Good evening, it’s presently 9:35 p.m. on Monday the 6th of April. This journal entry is since Saturday the 4th, Sunday the 5th, and today Monday the 6th of April. It has been undoubtedly a whirlwind the past three days. Saturday and Sunday I felt completely lost, last night I dealt with many family dramas, and today has been chaos. I’m thinking people are starting to lose their flipping minds.
Good evening, it’s presently 9:35 p.m. on Monday the 6th of April. This journal entry is since Saturday the 4th, Sunday the 5th, and today Monday the 6th of April.
It has been undoubtedly a whirlwind the past three days. Saturday and Sunday I felt completely lost, last night I dealt with many family dramas, and today has been chaos. I’m thinking people are starting to lose their flipping minds. Undoubtedly, the only encouraging thing that has happened is when I heard from my sister-in-law Candy last night. It’s been a long time since she and I have talked. We spoke on the phone for a few hours last night, and she stopped by tonight for a brief visit. It was excellent to hear from her and receive an update on my nephews who are in foster care. What I overheard was a bit alarming, but I can’t worry about things that I can’t alter or control. Merely wishing they were back home already.
When I started my Journal in February, I remember sitting down to produce my initial entry. I was extremely nervous about what I was going to record. My reason for feeling this way was because I was terrified of letting people into my innermost feelings and thoughts. The people most familiar to me, how would they handle knowing my sincere thoughts about them and the emotions they cause me? For some reason this evening, as I sit here, I feel apprehensive about allowing my authentic feelings out, which sucks. To beat those nerves so hopefully they never come back, I’m going to be genuine in what I write. In advance, I’m sorry if I upset anyone or hurt their feelings. I have to be 100% honest with you, and myself to make my Journal an accurate account of my life.
So, the first massive thing I desire to address and get it over with is my feelings of abandonment. Quite soon after Wolfie and I started talking, I guess he felt confident enough with me to open up about his life. When I received his initial message explaining the life that he’s been experiencing for the past 6 years, I was disheartened and in shock. I never thought I would read what I had. Now more than ever I wanted to cling to this man. It also explained why I heard his heart and soul crying out to be loved in the very beginning. Reading every last message until the account of his life was over, I composed a direct reply. He said in his last message that he totally understood if I wanted to run and not be a part of such a mess. I sent one back informing him that I wasn’t going anywhere. Adding, that I would always be here, and that until he can figure out how to fix his situation, I’d wait. We will get through this together if it’s the last thing I achieve.
On Saturday and Sunday I would become the 2nd fiddle to a crazed person. If I’m completely straightforward, I’m part to blame. Willingly, I accepted to be in the middle of a situation that I said I wouldn’t back away from. At any rate, I still felt alone and abandoned. Today Wolfie returned to his previous position of operating the plant where he works. Friday was his concluding day in the corporate offices because of a firing spree his company did. Affirmative, you predicted it, the coronavirus. When he worked in his office, we were capable to talk more frequently throughout the day. However, with him being in the plant now we both knew that our communication time was going to drastically decrease. Friday evening after he got off work, I don’t recall talking to him as much as we typically did. This day I didn’t think much of it. Indeed just thought that he was busy after work and that was that. No significant deal. Saturday morning came and we barely spoke. He has to do all the house work by himself on Saturdays mainly bathrooms I believe. He keeps up with the rest of the house as the days go by during the week. I thought for sure after he was completed cleaning we would have some good time together, but that never would happen. Both on Saturday and Sunday I felt that he was either hiding the fact he was messaging me periodically when he went to the bathroom or the kitchen. I would receive one message and poof he’s gone. Ultimately it was just a shitty experience. I was pissed I won’t lie. Not at Wolfie however, but at the situation. When I feel helpless in any predicament, not just this one, I get very emotional. The longer I stick by Wolfie and if things don’t gradually start changing, slowly some of my agitation might naturally go towards him. I pray not, though. This morning on his way to work, and this afternoon after he got done with his errands he called me for the car ride home. This was freaking awesome. His voice is always music to my ears and since I haven’t managed much time with him in texting a phone call was heavenly, well heavenly until he had to hang up on me to answer another call.
Wolfie at the moment represents nothing but my phone and I’m aware of this. With that said, I equally know that on the other end of my phone is an extremely special person. A unique humorous soul that I’ve fallen in love with in an extraordinarily short time. When I accepted his friendship on the 17th of March, I was instantly drawn to him through our messages. Every time he would message me; I would always message THIS guy back. Unlike many other guys who blow my phone up. Precisely feeling his heart and soul crying to me wanting to be loved just like mine has been since November of last year. This is why I think he and I were set on a colliding course. With everything in me I know that we were expected to encounter one another even if it was through social media.
Last night I was sitting at the computer and my sister was just relaxing on the couch when my car alarm went off. I heard three honks of the alarm before I could compute that my alarm was activated, and I jumped up and ran outside to see who had unlocked my car door. When I got outside there was no one around, but I knew someone got in my car, and I knew who it was. I always set my alarm, but the passenger door doesn’t lock, so when you open the door the alarm sounds off. When I didn’t encounter anyone around my car, I came in and messaged my sister that lives a building down from me. I notified her that if my brother’s girlfriend approaches my car again, I will tell the cops I observed her with my own eyes and have her arrested. This story is not over. Yukondra is my brother’s girlfriend and she says that she doesn’t remember getting in my car, but I found a proof today that she was.
So, later on in the afternoon I asked my baby sister Lou if she needed to go to the grocery store. I was going to be making a trip and thought I’d see if she required anything while I was out. A bit later Lou and Josiah came by and we were off to the local grocery store. When we got home, I dropped Lou and Joe off at home. We popped the trunk and got her groceries out to be carried in. Handing the bags that I had and giving them to Joe to take inside because I didn’t want to get into a fight with the dumb bitch who has already once stole my car registration and insurance papers, but presently has broken into my car once again. Regardless, my sister came back to the car to get her purse and phone. As she was shutting the door, I examined her lock her eyes on something that was clearly out of place. As I was inquiring what she was looking at she pulled up off the floor a ladies license whom I do not know, have never seen, and definitely has never been in my car. This crazy female has planted a stolen Drivers License in my car. I’m not quite sure what her beef is with me and why she keeps messing with my car. But if my sister doesn’t succeed at getting her off this property I’m going to make her swallow these licenses. I’m done messing with her and want her gone.
Xatina left this afternoon to go back to her ex’s house until tomorrow evening. However, for some reason my gut is forewarning me that she’s not coming back anytime soon. I’ve stated it before about my oldest sister. She represents a bit of a gypsy and can’t stay put in one suitable place. On many various occasions she has needed a place to stay because her situation wasn’t that great. Every time I’ve aided her; she either sneaks out, or just to my face informs me she’s going hither or there. This time however, I thought it might be unusual, because I indeed live exclusively and she wouldn’t feel therefore on top of anyone. She’s extraordinarily sensitive, and like the three of us she wears her gentle heart on her sleeve. You would genuinely think that being on lock down for the coronavirus would slow her down but nope, not happening. For now I’m not mentioning anything else about this and am going to see how this little ordeal plays out.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.