Today would of been my mother's 65th Birthday if she were still with us. . .
My heart simply won't let go doing it any other way, so it's back to what works for me. As harsh as it may be, it's what I must do to preserve who I am on the inside.
Dr. MLKJ said it best. "Our Lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter" When searching for the imagery for this entry, I became sick. It's a disgrace that they claim to protect the children, then under the surface of lies and mistrust do something evil, sick, and twisted with them all for a profit.
Within two bleak days my entire emotional core would be snuffed out. Causing me to feel like. . . .
Honestly, I believe I’ve had enough of the vicious emotional games that most ghastly men try to play. From the foolish ones, those who think it’s okay for them to behave a certain way . . .
Yet again, no response when I reached out to Nicholas. What we once had was powerful and . . . .
Dodging bullets is not an easy thing to realistically achieve. However, I've carefully managed to dodge two of them already this miserable year. First with Mark, now with Ricardo. We both knew we undoubtedly had an up hill battle if we genuinely wanted to be together. We each admittedly had an obstacle, mine being emotional, and his being obligational. All it would merely take was one of us being unable to cope adequately with the other's specific situation, and it would be over. Not surprisingly, he quit and gave up.
After a two day relentless flood of excessive emotions and pent-up feelings, I evanesced into a world of technology and optimization. The familiar sound of a voice which caused the wound on my heart to bleed yesterday, happened to be the same sound today that comforted me. Why did William . . .
Being in love with someone who is no longer in love with you should be easy to move past. However, for myself it's impossible it seems. Lying to myself and stuffing emotions elsewhere didn't work, because subconsciously it all was there under a brilliant script of excellent acting. When I heeded Nicks familiar voice on a personal video for the first time in 5 bleak months, I couldn't contain it any longer. A distinctive sound not forgotten, rather blocked out to shelter myself from the unbearable pain of my bleeding heart.