After a two day relentless flood of excessive emotions and pent-up feelings, I evanesced into a world of technology and optimization. The familiar sound of a voice which caused the wound on my heart to bleed yesterday, happened to be the same sound today that comforted me. Why did William . . .
My sister Lou has not been herself lately. She retains it in her head that she’s the only one of mothers children who act like an adult. Who has to take care of her brother and sisters. Yeah, she takes care of my younger brother who is, well never mind. He’s not in this but if he were he’d be right up Lou’s ass. Regardless, she’s prancing around on a tall horse talking herself up as if she has to rescue and take care of her three siblings. This is ludicrous and bizarre thinking on her part.
Besides Wolfie and my ex, I can’t seem to get JP out of my mind. He too plays peek a boo in my thoughts daily. I’m thinking there was something between him and I that I squandered away. Not that I regret my decision, but I often question if he would have been in the United States would I have thrown what we had away?
Image Credit: Pixabay Going to bed at 1 a.m. Monday morning and waking up at 4 a.m. Wednesday morning you’d think I was sufficiently set. Then why is it that all I can think about is passing back out? The first thing on my mind, when I finally became conscious, was this coronavirus and Wolfman. While I was asleep, I had a nightmare that my nephew who is in foster care contracted this horrible virus. Afraid…
There's a shortage of pretty much everything that you need or want in stores. Toilet paper, thermometers, milk, you name it, its out of stock. Now people are out of work, like my sister Lou and my nephew.
Hearing Wolfman’s voice for the first time caused me to want him even more. Not sexually, yeah maybe a little, but meaning I want him all to myself. Hearing his voice established him more of a person and not just a phone. He would also call again on his way home from the office, this time there were no nerves answering at all.
Now I endure this on top of everything else that's going through my brain to stress and worry about. Like I want to go to a doctors office or hospital where people are ill. Knowing my luck so far today, I’d catch the coronavirus. Hopefully, it doesn’t continue to swell, but if it does I guess I know where I’m going in the next few days
I'm terrified that if or when I let them go the nightmare I'm currently living will get worse. Even thinking about letting them go in fact makes me want to check myself into a hospital for observation. With my history I know I'm capable of doing something stupid. On top of all that, if I change my last name to get rid of the Mazoins name, and abandon all our hopes, dreams and goals in the past. My burning question is who would I be?
Take the most heterosexual male we can imagine, looking in the mirror he sees breasts and a vagina on his body looking through the only tiny windows in his prison cell, his eyes. Imagine what that would do to the most heterosexual male. It’s a life of misery, and one many try to kill themselves to escape. The bulling, and right out discrimination doesn’t help either. Hell I typically never leave my house, because I fear that I will run across the wicked person who hates girls like me and will execute me.