Both of these were forcing me to feel like a different person than I’ve been the past few weeks. Wolfie and I have been so happy and content with one another, why did my ex have to come in and mess that up for me? Last night when he sent me the photos I tried to act like they didn’t mean anything. Telling myself they were in fact a part of my past, but no longer represented my future.
My sister Catina and I have been locked up in this apartment all day due to the coronavirus quarantine. Today, the pictures that my ex texted to me last night were starting to mess with my head. Memories that I had let go were coming back, and the desire to be with my ex were flipping around in my thoughts. Both of these were forcing me to feel like a different person than I’ve been the past few weeks. Wolfie and I have been so happy and content with one another, why did my ex have to come in and mess that up for me? Last night when he sent me the photos I tried to act like they didn’t mean anything. Telling myself they were in fact a part of my past, but no longer represented my future.
At one point today I began texting my ex, but half way through I backed out of it. This made me very proud of myself and informed me that encouraging progress has been achieved. However, I would ultimately end up texting him. This exchange would consist of only four messages. Two from me and two from him. What I asserted was that the pictures he shared with me were messing with my head. He messaged back fairly quickly saying they were indeed messing with his too. Never describing to him how they were affecting me, I wrote a simple message asking him are they really? When I received his answer, I was flabbergasted. Everything was me myself and I. Meaning everything was about him. Nothing he mentioned had anything to do with me, or he and I. His response most certainly clarified to me that he and I were done. Never responding to his self-absorbed answer, I deleted our messages. Angry and hurt that I provided no memories for him in those photos, I immediately blocked his phone number. This would be the last place that I needed to block him from and after it was done I felt fantastic.
Around the time for Lou, my youngest sister to go to work, Catina maneuvered my car down to her. She was supposed to clock in at 1 p.m. but around 2:30 p.m. she still hadn’t left. Come to find out, Lou said the car barely had 40 miles until the gas light came on. Yet again this has pissed me off. The last time I was told about the gas level there was 79 miles available. With the misunderstanding yesterday and how I blew up, I couldn’t question Lou about this. She and I haven’t spoken yet since the blow up, and I’m guessing she’s nevertheless holding her grudge. I’m also assuming my sister definitely doesn’t want to drive my car any more. This in the least bit upset me. I’d be satisfied to allow my car to sit right in my driveway where it rightfully belongs.
On and off for most of the day, Wolfie and I messaged each other. With it being Sunday, he typically has the day off. After one of our lively conversations this delightful morning, he headed off to the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. Two bananas, granola or grain bar, I can’t remember which and a coffee. When he described to me what he consumed, I didn’t conclude anything about it. At that point in time he went on telling me he has eaten this every morning for the past 30 years. I was speechless. This was remarkable, how in the world could anyone eat the exact same thing every morning for 30 long years? When I inquired about how he could manage this, he informed me that he remains a creature of habit. Automatically I instantly thought I could utilize this specific knowledge to use in my favor. Since he’s a creature of habits, I needed to find a way to cause him to desire me every single day for the rest of his life. As we continue to scale this mighty mountain, we encountered yet another pitfall. This time I wasn’t troubled. Wolfie positively assured me he would faithfully keep me informed and said I’ll talk to you later.
When I had spare time today, I worked diligently on my official Journal website again. This afternoon I color coordinated my journal entries with combining colors from the rest of my website’s theme. I wanted my script to be in the corresponding color of brown that’s throughout the rest of my site, with certain parts of the script in the teal color that’s additionally throughout the theme. This specific task was extremely trivial, but wearisome and tedious. With 43 official entries to do, this took longer than expected to complete. On occasions, I like reciting the lyrics to songs that inspire me or influence me in some way. Today thanks to my dear sister, I learned I can include the video right onto the entry page itself using a Youtube player. Why I never thought of it I’ll never know, I’m just overjoyed now that these posts can directly include the corresponding music video to the lyrics I quote.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.