Happy Valentines Day
Valentines Day, a day supposed to be dedicated to love and romance. Both things that I was without this year but who cares. I sure don’t. I thought, however, for some crazy reason that I would have heard from my ex today, but I didn’t. This gave me mixed emotions. On one hand, it made me sad, on the other made me feel good, because I knew he was feeling strong enough not to reach out just like I was. It was extremely hard but I too managed not to contact him.
Valentines Day, a day supposed to be dedicated to love and romance. Both things that I was without this year but who cares. I sure don’t. I thought, however, for some crazy reason that I would have heard from my ex today, but I didn’t. This gave me mixed emotions. On one hand, it made me sad, on the other made me feel good, because I knew he was feeling strong enough not to reach out just like I was. It was extremely hard but I too managed not to contact him. I also have this in mind. If, I hadn’t blocked him on Facebook messenger I have a strong feeling I would have heard from him. Now the only way he can talk to me is through text message. I did this to keep things strictly business and as little contact as possible. How did I know that this would work in this manner? Through Facebook, his mother couldn’t track that he was talking to me. Through his phone however, she can see who he’s talking to, and if I’m not mistaken the content of the text. She controls him in every way, I just wish he would grow up and see this, and put a stop to it by getting off her phone contract. When we were together we had talked about starting our own phone plan and when I say she threw a fit that’s an understatement. She fell off her rocker. Okay, I’m done here with this conversation. I don’t want to say anything I’ll have to apologize for.
Who I did hear from today, which makes the third weekend in a row, is my new friend MT. I love the way he talks to me and treats me with such gentleness. His presence in my life is starting to imprint on my heart, and it feels good to look forward to our conversations. Fridays and Saturdays have become my favorite days. He works seventeen to eighteen hours a day running a store so, during the week I hardly get to speak to him, but on Friday afternoons and most the day Saturday we have great conversations and seem to enjoy each other’s company. It sucks but it is what it is. He amazes me all around, he’s young and is so dedicated to his job and seems extremely responsible for his age.
Thinking about getting involved with another young man is very scary to me, just because of my past relationship and the way it unfolded. Living in fear however is something I’ve been working on and I will apply it to this fear. Just because one was a piece of shit, I can’t fear another young man will be the same way. I have to let his actions define him and not the actions of someone else. All in all, I’m pretty excited about this part of my life.
I had a falling out with my sister and nephew. I’m not going to go into what happened, but looking back at the situation I know why I overreacted. I have a small issue when I’m hurt by or even feel hurt by someone, I will push them completely away from me and shut them out of my life. It’s extreme, and I’ve always done it, and I hate it. My sister and her husband got back together and I lost my best buddy. I was used to seeing her every day and had her all to myself. Now that they are back together in just the first two days I felt her absence and it made me sad. So, how do I respond, push her away and shut her out. I hate that I did this because I need her in my life. I’ve apologized and if I know my sister she will hold a bit of a grudge. I know that she will get over it in her timing, so I’ll just patiently wait till she’s on my doorstep willing to let me back in.
Sweet Dreams, Nadia Darlene Mazonis
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