That’s the question I’ve been mulling over since Ricardo decided that he couldn’t handle me still being in love with Nicholas. Considering he already knew this, why did he continue to play games with my head? Then I have the man-child in New Jersey who still insists on playing mind games with me too. Three or four days ago he and I were texting and getting along great. Well, I thought so anyways. Nick had sent me a meme about single men going to the athletic facility to impress all the whores, and how men in relationships get fed cake by their girlfriends to make them fat. Joking, I was like I’m going to cook you two cakes. The conversation turned into he’d rather have my taters, steak, and corn on the cob, and I told him I’m going to make him eat seconds. We said a few more things and the last text he sent was a crying emoji, nothing since.
At this point, after sending a message today with no response, I’m truly thinking I’m done with men. There’s Ricardo thinking I did one way streets, simultaneously Nick being an arrogant prick, I’m totally turned off with men and relationships now. What I wonder is how long that feeling is going to last. Now that I’ve been living alone for almost half of a year? I’m not so sure I want to make the necessary changes needed for a relationship to survive. Not having to make any adjustments to the way I live my life actually sounds awesome. For a relationship to work, each person involved has to make compromises and self-sacrifices. After thinking a great deal about everything that’s happened with these two men, I don’t think I want to or am ready to make those compromises or sacrifices. Truly I’m happy with being able to do what I want, when I want. If I want to cook, that’s great. If I don’t want to cook, that’s okay too. Go to sleep when I want to and not be made to go to bed. Being able to go on and on about things I don’t want to compromise I have to change the subject. What I’m saying is I’ve naturally gotten comfortable being single. Enough about these two losers, I want to talk about something that I’m really interested in.
When I established this Journal website and began to work in the WordPress program, it was rather involved and very much confusing. However, I eventually learned what I needed to so I could post on the internet. As time goes by, I keep getting deeper into how things work in the online world and learning how to design websites. Thank the gracious lord that WordPress does the majority of the work because I’d never be capable of doing it any other way. There are so many terms, definitions, and codes that I’m swimming in them up to my eyeballs. I’m loving it though. The coolest thing I’ve discovered so far is that there are these programs; I expect their programs. Anyway, there are these things called spiders that do inspections on every website. They run in the background reading all the codes collecting tons of information. Wonder why they call them spiders?
Currently, I’m tweaking my site to improve my SEO rating for Nadia’s Personal Journal. I’ve been running these spiders to investigate my work and to see if I’m making progress, and I am! The more I learn the more I like it. It feels extraordinary to be able to exercise my befuddled brain. Educating myself is something I absolutely enjoy, and the enjoyment is intensified since it’s something I discovered I thoroughly like. For all one reasonably knows this could be my unknown ideal relationship. Why do I say that? Well, if someone came into my life at this particular moment and it got serious? They would undoubtedly have to willingly take a backseat to my online journal, website, and writing. That wouldn’t be fair to the unfortunate fellow, and I’m not compromising any more, so it is what it is.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.