Every so often it's the insignificant things that sincerely mean the most. It was around lunch time when my mobile phone rang, and on the other end Wolfie was calling. Absolutely surprised, I picked up the phone naturally assuming he was taking his lunch break. Recently, I've had the feeling that he and I were drifting apart, with an enormous mountain looming in front of us. This afternoon those foolish feelings would change. This small gesture instantly made those feeling go away.
There's a shortage of pretty much everything that you need or want in stores. Toilet paper, thermometers, milk, you name it, its out of stock. Now people are out of work, like my sister Lou and my nephew.
I’m totally not certain on how much I should or shouldn’t say about the past four days, due to fear of it disappearing again, I will tread as lightly as I can. First, I want to say that something is different this time around, now that Nicholas and I are talking again. He has messaged me each morning, in the most loving, kind, and gentle way, and in a great mood despite his illness.
I have to get out of this apartment, because I have flashbacks all the time. Just this evening, I saw him standing at the stove cooking me breakfast. This is something he did almost every Saturday in the beginning of our relationship, but not so much in the end. To deal with these haunting memories, as soon as the visual appears, I immediately think of something else to do, and concentrate on that.
I slept most of the day today other than the few times I woke up to get something to drink and open my mouth and say things that I should have thought about before speaking. I tend to do this a lot lately and I’m going to start working on it. I have to, because the things I say sometimes have consequences and hurt other people’s feelings that I care about.