Category physical abuse

at the hands of the dead man and anyone else who hits their life partner

Peek~A~Boo

Besides Wolfie and my ex, I can’t seem to get JP out of my mind. He too plays peek a boo in my thoughts daily. I’m thinking there was something between him and I that I squandered away. Not that I regret my decision, but I often question if he would have been in the United States would I have thrown what we had away?

Triggered Again

entry triggered again feature image living room
Normally I eat sitting at the computer desk because it’s just extremely unpleasant to eat at the coffee table where Nicholas and I typically used to eat every night. If I had another table, I would already pitch this one. One of the legs on it is broken anyway from where Nicholas got angry at me and kicked the leg right off the table. Anyway, for some reason I found myself sitting in Nicholas’s seat eating on his side of the table. Totally triggered and nearly in tears I felt the need to text him.

Freedom

Bless her soul, she said some of the nicest, kindest things to me. Nothing that anyone has said impacted me more than the words that she used. I now feel free, and like it’s okay to let go. Actually I know I have to let go because it’s a life or death choice. She made sure to tell me to let loose because the more I hung on, and had contact with him the bigger of a chance his crazy ass could flip and show up here to kill me. I did miss him on occasion today, and as soon as the wacko popped into my head, I brought forward the memory of him punching me in the eye, and pinning me to the ground trying to put his hands around my neck.

Down But Not Forever

If it were anyone else I know what I would do, but this is my baby sister. I will handle this delicately and with a clear mind, which I do not have at the present time. All I know is that I’ve been losing a lot of important people in my life lately and it’s really starting to hurt. My mind says cut her out but my heart says something else. The war between heart and mind is starting to make me feel all alone.

Stipulations Of Love

red paper heart with U.S. 100 bills spread out in a fan
On to the second thing he is requesting has to happen. We have to have our own cars. A little back story on this matter. When we got together and decided to purchase a new car because the one he had was dying slowly, we traded it in as the down payment for the vehicle we had at the time of our break up. The car was $10,000, and they gave him $2,000 for his car as a trade in. That left us owing $8,000 WHICH I PAID EVERY DOLLAR OF with my money that I didn't bring in according to his family.