A tragic love story maybe, but that was it. Catina and I talked about how I felt for real about Wolfie. There’s no other way to describe my sincere feelings for him. Words do not express the gratitude, and love that I possess in my heart for this man. As we continued to talk, our conversation went from my feelings to Wolfman's feelings.
Was I correct in assuming what time I would get done with yesterday’s Journal entry?
Yes, it was around 8 a.m. this morning when I finally finished. After finalizing everything, I published the 2,300-word entry.
It was practically time for Wolfie to go to the office. He informed me that he’d call me shortly and that was the last I heard from him until the phone rang. While I waited on my phone call, my sister and I were talking about this enormous mountain that Wolfie and I are scaling. The depressing thing is we can’t be together until we get over this enormous mountain. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this one, and it’s extremely easy for me to be pessimistic. If I don’t watch myself and stay aware, I’ll all but give up. Thank God it wasn’t long before my phone rang. This so far has been one of the best ways to invest my time with my baby. Being able to hear his voice makes him that much closer to a reality that I dream of. I’ve never timed his trip to the office, so I have no idea how long the phone call ever lasts however, I can assure you it’s nowhere near long enough. In what seemed like 5 minutes, he was pulling in and we had to hang up. Once the phone lines were disconnected, I lowered my face towards the ground and felt helpless and despondent.
My sister Catina mentioned the drastic change in my body language and asked me if I was okay. It just seemed at that moment, like our situation was one that was never going to enjoy a happy ending. A tragic love story maybe, but that was it. Catina and I talked about my true feelings for Wolfie. There’s no other way to describe my sincere feelings for him. Words do not express the gratitude, and love that I possess in my heart for this man. As we continued to talk, our conversation went from my feelings to Wolfman’s feelings. I know he’s crazy about me but does he feel these same strong emotions of love that I feel for him? Is he worried about this mountain we’re climbing? Does he think it’s too much for the both of us to handle like I do?
Since I never went to the bank on Thursday to get my rent money, I had to go today. Darlene messaged again to find out when I was going to have her money. I explained to her that with the coronavirus going around I was too nervous to go to the ATM. However, I informed her that I’d have it by today. About the time we were going to leave my nephew came down to ask me for a ride to work. Since he didn’t have to be there till later I decided to just wait and do both errands at once. As we were waiting to go, I decided to call the car place where I purchased my car. It’s been paid off for a month now, and I’ve yet to go up there to pick up my title. So that my title doesn’t get mailed or given to anyone else I needed to inform them that I haven’t forgotten about it. As soon as Joe knocked on the door we promptly headed out. Took my nephew to work first, then headed to the bank to get rent money.
When we pulled up to the ATM, there was a white SUV in front of me. Not taking long, they pulled away and then it was my turn. With my transaction complete, I slowly pull out away from the line. As I rounded down around the hill, I looked to my left to see if anyone was coming. Just like that, I was triggered. At the time a different bank, but it was the same building that my ex and I had our first account at. As we pulled the rest of the way out of the bank parking lot I told myself this wasn’t going to affect me for an extended period of time. Most definitely I would talk to Wolfie about this, but I had a goal to forget about it before I even got home. With squandered feelings, I didn’t think about this at all except to write about it now.
The totality of today, April 3, 2020, will represent the best so far in our relationship. As far as sharing our feelings for one another, we’ve never done it like we did today. There is no doubt in my mind, not even a mustard seed big, that makes me think that I’m not in love with you Ricardo. Up until today I knew you possessed feelings, overwhelming feelings for me, but after today there’s no question how you feel. I 100% love you Ricardo/Wolfie, and no matter what the future holds for us, I’ll love you more and more each day.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.