What I enjoy most of all is the feeling of optimism. I’ve been so down for the past three months that it seemed like my world was crashing down around me. Being optimistic is such a wonderful feeling to my soul, and I’m starting to feel comfortable being alone.
I believe that miracles can happen and I think one has happened to me. When I woke up today my mind has completely shifted. First thing I did was showered and groomed. This sounds like something that should happen every day, but for me it’s been a challenge lately. I’ve done this the past two days and I tell you it feels great. After I was dressed, I fixed myself something to eat. I had mac and cheese, a ham sandwich, and a fresh glass of sweet tea. This too has happened for the past two days and like I said before, it sounds like something I should be doing every day, but it hasn’t been the norm for me lately. I’m so proud of myself too for the fact I’m eating food that isn’t chips, salsa, and cereal. Once I was done eating I had so much energy and my mind was in overdrive I started cleaning my kitchen. I did the dishes which needed to be done, badly. I scrubbed the floor, and back splash. My cleaning didn’t stop there. Before I was done I had dusted the living room, scrubbed the entire couch then vacuumed the floors. By this point my OCD was kicking in and I started to think, is this a mind shift or am I going into a manic state? If it’s mania, I welcome it with an open-heart, I’ll take being manic over depression any day. I just pray when I come out of whatever it is, if it’s not a mind shift, I pray I’m no longer depressed.
What I enjoy most of all is the feeling of optimism. I’ve been so down for the past three months that it seemed like my world was crashing down around me. Being optimistic is such a wonderful feeling to my soul, and I’m starting to feel comfortable being alone. This scares me to a certain degree though, I don’t want to get so comfortable being by myself that I shut out all possible love interests in the future. This I will have to keep my eyes on and make sure it doesn’t happen like I fear it will.
I managed to get out of the house again today. I didn’t go far but leaving the confinement of the walls of my apartment feels great. I went to my sisters for my daily visit and to catch up with her. She and her husband have been separated for the past six months, and they are now trying to work things out. This makes me happy but sad, because I’ve already seen less of her. The only thing that was a negative today is that someone borrowed my hydraulic jack out of my car and failed to put it back, and at this point everyone acts like they don’t know what I’m talking about. So, until it turns up or is replaced no one will use my car or drive it again. I’ve been more than kind to everyone, letting them drive and use my car as it were theirs, but that now has changed. This jack is just a possession and in the big picture means nothing. It belonged to my ex and I’m sure he would have loved to have it back or I could have sold it myself to make some extra cash that I desperately need at the moment. Either way it wasn’t theirs and now it’s gone.
Sweet Dreams, Nadia Darlene Mazonis
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