Am I a temperamental woman? Tonight I was called just that.
At first I didn’t know how to take it and honestly when I first read it, I was like, I don’t THINK so mister! Telling myself that this guy didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. How could he? He and I were strangers and never even had a conversation. So before I made a fool out of myself and showed my temperament, I went online and looked up the definition. Come to find out? I’m most definitely temperamental. The definition in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary reads as follows:
1a : marked by excessive sensitivity and impulsive mood changes a temperamental child b : unpredictable in behavior or performance a temperamental computer 2 : of, relating to, or arising from temperament : constitutional temperamental peculiarities
Synonyms & Antonyms of temperamental 1 frequently influenced by moods and especially bad moods one of those temperamental actresses who can make life difficult for everyone around her
Synonym for temperamental moody
Words Related to temperamental Unstable, unsteady, impulsive, volatile, fickle, snappish
Ironically, this gentleman calls me a temperamental woman on the day that I really had to bite my tongue and not fly off at the mouth like a crotchety old hag. There were many times I felt like saying something I would regret to both Nick and Ricardo. Yesterday was a horrible day for obvious reasons, and today I basically begged for Nicholas’ attention and pleaded with him to say just one word to me which he never did. He right out refused. Ignoring me and every message I sent. Dear God, that just hurt letting that out. I hate that I need and want him so bad. Why is this still haunting me? How can I wrap my brain around this? How can it be that the last time we were talking, the conversation was great? Reminiscing about me cooking one of his favorite meals. Steak, fried taters and onions, and corn on the cob. Why now does he not respond? Who knows!
Since Nicholas didn’t want to talk to me, I listened to one of “our” songs on repeat tonight. When we first got together in 2015, he sent me this song and told me to listen to it. He said it reminded him of us and from that point on it became our song. At the time it was very fitting because the profound connection between us was extraordinarily deep and powerful. Unfortunately for me 5 years later, it’s a one sided electrifying bond. Since I haven’t had a journal entry for a moment containing lyrics, and this song is on my mind. I’m going to put it down right here. I’m hoping that tomorrow will be a better day, it surely can’t get worse than today.
Featuring Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Riley
Oh my my my what you do to me. Like lighting when I’m swimming in the sea. From the very first time we loved. From the very first time we touched. Walking on wires and power lines. You put your body on top of mine. Every time that you lift me up, to the heavens and stars above. Oh lord have mercy I’m begging you please, I’m feeling drained I need love. You charge me up like electricity, jump start my heart with your love
There’s an energy, when you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful. I can feel it. When you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful.
There’s an energy, when you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful. I can feel it. When you hold me.When you touch me. It’s so powerful.
I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. Cause something keeps pulling me back to you. From the very first time we loved. From the very first time we touched. The stroke of your fingers, the scent of your lingers, my mind running wild with the thoughts of your smile. Oh, you gotta give me some, and you can give it all but it’s never enough, no.
There’s an energy when you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful. I can feel it when you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful.
I can feel it. When you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful. There’s an energy when you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful.
I can feel it. When you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful. I can feel it. When you hold me. When you touch me. It’s so powerful.
Hold me in your arms. Burns like a fire, electricity. When you’re close I feel the sparks. Takes me higher to infinity.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.