Dodging bullets is not an easy thing to realistically achieve. However, I've carefully managed to dodge two of them already this miserable year. First with Mark, now with Ricardo. We both knew we undoubtedly had an up hill battle if we genuinely wanted to be together. We each admittedly had an obstacle, mine being emotional, and his being obligational. All it would merely take was one of us being unable to cope adequately with the other's specific situation, and it would be over. Not surprisingly, he quit and gave up.
Good evening, it’s presently 9:35 p.m. on Monday the 6th of April. This journal entry is since Saturday the 4th, Sunday the 5th, and today Monday the 6th of April. It has been undoubtedly a whirlwind the past three days. Saturday and Sunday I felt completely lost, last night I dealt with many family dramas, and today has been chaos. I’m thinking people are starting to lose their flipping minds.
As the numbers began to climb, I set my initial goal at 500 followers. Exactly 3 months later from the day I started using Instagram on March 16th I made it to my first set goal. For some reason I thought that every 500 followers gained would take 3 months since the first 500 followers required that long to obtain.
Now I endure this on top of everything else that's going through my brain to stress and worry about. Like I want to go to a doctors office or hospital where people are ill. Knowing my luck so far today, I’d catch the coronavirus. Hopefully, it doesn’t continue to swell, but if it does I guess I know where I’m going in the next few days
The distinct feeling of being orphaned is back, and it sucks. Once more, I don't feel like I belong anywhere or maintain a purpose. The past 4 months and 13 days have been an absolute nightmare. Wondering through life lonesome and sad, with no one to belong to.
Normally I eat sitting at the computer desk because it’s just extremely unpleasant to eat at the coffee table where Nicholas and I typically used to eat every night. If I had another table, I would already pitch this one. One of the legs on it is broken anyway from where Nicholas got angry at me and kicked the leg right off the table. Anyway, for some reason I found myself sitting in Nicholas’s seat eating on his side of the table. Totally triggered and nearly in tears I felt the need to text him.
Not that I need to be protected, but yeah it would be nice to have someone here with me if things got awful. I’ve always said that if the world gets too crazy I would bug out in the mountains away from everyone. This would be terrifying, and extremely lonely to do by myself. Nicholas and I talked about this topic before, and he was going to be my protector and bug out buddy. Oh how things have changed.