My sister’s name is in fact Catina but the C will from now on be switched to an X.
One thing I can’t stand remains to be a person who lies right to my face. Ordinarily, when I’m lied to, I quickly pick up on it as I did yesterday. On the odd occasion I’ll keep my mouth shut, and sometimes I’ll confront the liar immediately. Well yesterday, I spoke up then got lied to about lying. Dear god, some people think they are Oscar worthy actors and they’re not. When my sister Xatina forewarned me that she was going to her ex’s house for the night I really didn’t mind. It troubled me only for one reason. The coronavirus, who knows where her ex has been or who the people he was around have been? Not mentioning anything, because Xatina and I were already knocking heads, I merely said okay. As Xatina was packing for what was supposed to be an overnight trip, she kept saying out loud what all she was going to do while gone.
The first thing was her laundry. She was doing her clothes because she had so many that were dirty. All of them apparently. So what did she do? Made a fake phone call right behind me so that I would hear. Big mistake sissy. She’s talked on the phone here many times, and I could hear the other person faintly on the other end, this time there was no one on the other end. On the inside I’m laughing so hard because she was really acting. Really trying to convince me, she had a small argument with herself, and laughs that were to nothing but air, just silly. She asked the air if she could do her laundry at their house and of course the air said yes. Oh no! She forgot, her ex doesn’t possess a washer or dryer and neither does his son who lives right near him. This is why when she lived out there she had to scrub her clothes by hand. Who knows that might be a lie too. So instead of packing her dirty clothes like she should have, she placed all her clothes in two plastic bags leaving her suitcase here. When she lugged them into the living room, I absolutely had to make a remark. She uttered to me yet another lie, so I smirked and remained silent. This is the thing about liars. They can’t retain all the lies they’ve told. To a great degree if they are pathological.
As she was going around the house collecting ALL her belongings, she kept telling little lies. In her warped head she thought I believed all this and that I wouldn’t pick up on the fact she was packing ALL her stuff. She sat on the couch like she was all done. Actually she was thinking of yet another lie to say out loud, because she had one more thing to get. She hoped up like she forgot something, spoke out loud another lie so I could hear it and collected whatever it was. When she was all done I turned around sideways in my desk chair. One more time I was going to try and get her to tell the truth. When I turned around, I noticed she forgot something on top of the microwave. Oh yeah, she didn’t forget that. She just didn’t need it where she was going I told myself.
Xatina was sitting on the couch, and I told her to just be honest with me and let me know if you’re leaving for good. Like she always does, she said I’m telling the truth in a defensive tone and said she would be back tomorrow. Which would have been today. My gut was telling me she was lying, so I asked her. Then why does my gut say you’re leaving and not coming back? The next thing she said was the only thing during all this that was the truth. “My history?” You’re damned straight I told myself. Knowing she wasn’t coming back, I needed to collect my lighter that was in her purse that she was going to try and take. She’s also a thief and thought I forgot about it. When I asked for it back she got more upset than she already was, after handing it to me she found herself mocking me. I just turned back around and continued what I was doing on the computer.
Don’t for an instant think I don’t love my sister Xatina, I love her just as much as I love my other siblings. I’ve tried helping Xatina many times, but she always ends up chasing what she loves. If you asked her why she decided to go back to a place supposed to be SO bad, she would tell you it’s because I was picking on here and yelled at her. In actuality it’s because her ex went to the doctor and got her favorite thing. The reason I yelled at her was that the day she came back home from his house she could hardly walk and fell asleep standing up next to me, almost falling into my computer. Having little patience for people so messed up they’re incoherent, I yelled at her. Don’t get me wrong I like to get high and I do, but I NEVER get to the point of being incoherent which she was. We went to the store that day and the whole way there and back her whole upper body slouched over and she was passed out. It was like I picked a heroin addict up off the corner. Once I figured out she had taken her kryptonite and I yelled at her, I knew she was going to leave. Remaining silent, because I wanted to see if my thinking was going to be correct. Of course it was and now she’s gone.
Xatina, this time you will lay in the bed that you made. If this story is even true, remember the next time you’re laying at the bottom of the stairs with broken limbs because your man or some woman has pushed you down them, remember you are the one who left. Sissy you finally had a SAFE, STABLE, QUIET place to live. Yet, you leave because that’s not what you really want. Remember I love you and remember that I will never offer to help you again. You can lie, you can try your best to pluck at my feelings. Never again will I feel sorry for you or feel like a bad sister for not helping you. Your games with my heart are now over. Call me a cold-hearted bitch if you wish, but what I’m going to serve up to you is called TOUGH LOVE!
It seems like with each passing day I get to talk to Wolfie less and less. Today was my fault because I couldn’t get my rear end up out of bed. I slept from 2 a.m. and didn’t get up until almost 8 p.m… When I finally did get up, I instantly messaged him thinking I would get at least some time with him. He normally doesn’t go to bed until 9 p.m., so I thought I was on time. Well of course he was tired and ended up falling asleep early so that wasn’t going to happen. Naturally I guess, but it seems like our relationship is drifting farther and farther apart. However, my genuine connection or unique bond that I naturally feel with him hasn’t. Sincerely praying that this changes and goes back to the way it was in the beginning, but I’m not going to forcibly hold my breath.
My sister-in-law Candy called again last night. It’s wonderful being able to talk amicably to her again. She and her drunken husband who got married a couple of months ago, were having issues again last night. When they got inseparably united, they had barely known each other for an unusually short time. I’m undoubtedly thinking it might have been overwhelmingly a mistake, but we will only just have to wait and see. I stayed on the mobile phone with Candy for a while until my sister Lou and I had to promptly go supply one of her best friends a boost for her car. Before we left Candy requested that I swing by and pick her up when we got done, and I said sure. Lou and I went ahead to her friend’s modest house to jump her stranded car. What I sincerely believed would be a real hasty trip turned out to correctly be an hour trip, maybe 2. After we jumped her truck, not car, Lou and I swung by where my rebellious brother used to live and recovered a few personal things that he had left there. By the time we were rolling merrily into town, I still hadn’t heard anything from Candy. Assuming everything was okay with her and the husband, we just went on home. We drove down to Lou’s house to unload the car, and I came back home to start writing in my Journal.
Born October 11th, 1975 in a small township in Missouri. Reared by a stay-at-home mom and a furniture factory working stepdad. With three siblings plus myself all my parents could afford was a simple existence, but I wouldn’t exchange those days with anyone or for nothing. I’m second to the oldest child with an older sister who is three years my senior. A brother who is three years younger than me, and our baby sister who is three years younger than my brother. Twenty days after my twenty-first birth on Halloween 1996, we suffered the loss of our precious mother. Our lives were altered instantly. Nothing for me has been normal since. I've found a "new" normal yet it's nowhere near the same. When 2020 began, my mother was extremely near, and she hadn't left. It will be soon, and I'll be in her arms again.